Between Two Worlds: A Cultural Tale
When you communicate, a lot can go wrong. Very wrong. And when you're immersed in a culture that is vastly different from your own, the challenges are even greater.
But to become an effective communicator, the key is to admit it, analyze the situation, and have the guts to look at yourself honestly in the mirror.
Here's a short story about how I clashed immensely at the time I was a hostel owner in Cuba... And what I learned from it.
Extremely pregnant, I was waiting longer than usual for my employee to help me make breakfast. The situation became even more nerve-wracking when I heard my guests getting ready. As I couldn't wait anymore, I tried to stay cool and act as if nothing was wrong. Despite my fury, I was also somewhat concerned.
Until that morning Barbarita was a reliable worker. But her life was tough. A young mother of a toddler with a husband in prison, she lived in an old, run-down house without even a fridge. Since she lived across the street, our neighbors encouraged her to work with me.
She was at first very insecure and didn't talk much. But little by little she opened herself to me and built her self-esteem. We clicked. I also gave her extra food, medicine, and clothing. Now she was earning more than a doctor in Cuba.
That morning I was afraid something horrible had happened. Occasionally, when her husband returned from prison for a few days, untrustworthy people would visit their home.
I headed to her house soon after my guests left. I needed to know now. In the doorway, her blood-shot red eyes were greeting me. In a dark corner, I noticed an empty rum bottle…
I sat down and asked where she was. "I’m ill", she said.
Suddenly my subtle communication skills slipped away and my Dutch directness took over. "Mmm... Well... What's that in the corner?" It wasn’t that difficult to get busted. She finally confessed that she had a huge hangover from her birthday just the day before. Why couldn’t she just have warned me? I was enraged.
You know everything about yourself until you don’t…
It's in the DNA of Cubans to live by the day. And this means literally (at most!) 24 hours. I often hear my stepmother say: "Tomorrow I could be dead, so why worry about it?" Being a control freak myself, this mindset was challenging. For my business, I thought long-term, not day-by-day.
Also, Cubans work to live, not to live to work. And when they know their basic needs are met for the day, they’re fine. This is disturbing for someone who thinks work is an extension of self-being. I connect my status, purpose, and personality to everything I do.
Moreover, Cubans blur the line between personal and professional life. You have to know the ins and outs of their family. And topics such as sex, how you poop, death, and sorrow were not untouched. So, feeling a sense of personal connection was crucial for a good working relationship. And if you didn't follow this unwritten rule, the typical Cuban worker would get demotivated.
The Backlash
I knew about these characteristics, but now sitting before her, many thoughts raged in my head. It was difficult for me not to feel emotionally attached. How to react to her huge misstep?
Option 1: Forgive her and forget about it. But then I’d have felt that I’d failed in my authority.
Option 2: Punish her, so she feels she would refrain from doing this in the future.
Option 3: Fire her immediately. But I liked her, I knew she was in a complicated situation, and looking for another reliable worker took time. And being pregnant, this wasn't a wise choice.
So, I choose to punish her. "I won’t pay you for today’s work, but you'll get one more chance", I told her strictly.
Then out of the blue, she said: "I won’t work with you anymore. I stop."
I was astonished. I didn't see that coming. Now I was beyond mad, and also, to be honest, quite sad.
Did I do something wrong? Was there something I missed? Or was this just her self-destructive little girl behavior? She just lost a stable job with a reasonable income…
But after some introspective thought, there was no good or wrong.
We were lost in perspective.
You might know everything about yourself until you don´t…
As a result of interacting with other worldviews, ideas emerge that you never consciously thought about. You always act based on your background and past experiences.
Having a confrontation with Barbarita prompted me to become conscious of who I am.
But my normal is not normal for others. Living in a country where people don't follow Western ideas makes you realize your social construct is just like any other.
To overcome these cultural clashes, it's essential to be humble, empathetic, and open-minded. Whether personal or professional. And then you'll grow as a communicator.